In the very beginning, when I started to dig myself out of the theoretical hole I was in. I looked back at my journal.
One of the first ones I wrote had to do with “something is better than nothing.”
Here I am doing a morning workout, where all I want is one more cup of coffee. I want to sit down. I don’t want to be working out.
Then, I remembered: something is better than nothing. Why?
I put this in a working out example. Is walking 5 minutes better than not walking at all? In my depressive, unmotivated state of mind, no. Walking 5 minutes was NOT better than doing nothing.
I was in my mind thinking nothing was better. Until, I experienced the stress of nothing. The boredom of doing nothing. Worst of all, the internal pain of doing nothing.
I felt lazy. Yes, I am my worst enemy. I am very hard on myself. But I also am my main source of motivation by doing so.
I chose my life of boredom. I may have been doing the bare minimum to appear functional, but I internally was at my worst.
I could still be a mother. I could still be a friend, a sister, a wife by doing the bare minimum. I needed to complete something to appear normal. But internally? I was crumbling.
I rebuilt what I lost. I begged and pleaded for help.
No one could make me feel better because I was my worst enemy. I needed to do something, plus some. I had to feel like I was doing something so I didn’t feel like I was lazy.
I had to be hard on myself because on the outside, I appeared fine. On the inside, I was screaming for help.
Something HAD TO BE better than nothing.
